It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
