Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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