once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
