My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
