I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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