Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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