i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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