Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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