sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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