You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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