Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
