I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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