I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
