Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
