Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
