it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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