Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
