the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
