so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were trust falling into bushes
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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