We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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