I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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