Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
