if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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