I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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