I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bring money and cleavage
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
