"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
