It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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