i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
