So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
