im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
