Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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