Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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