weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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