Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
