The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize