I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
