I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
