So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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