so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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