gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
