Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
