I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
