He disabled his match.com account in front of me
there's paper in my vomit.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
