Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
