Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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