we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
