so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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