I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
