It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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