he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
