I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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