Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
