South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
