So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
