i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
