They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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