On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
