i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
