Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
