I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
