You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
