ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
