I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
