Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
