Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
