Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
