you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
