This is not my ceiling
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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