Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
